This is something interesting that I learned about while in my last inpatient stay. There are 5 levels of the self : Physiological, Safety, Belonging (Intimacy), Self-Esteem (Success), and Self-Actualization. Each level speaks about our basic human needs. Starting from the bottom up, we cannot achieve the next level up without meeting all the basic needs of that level. For example, if I don't meet my Physiological needs, (food, water, shelter, warmth etc...) then I can't move onto the next level up which is Safety. Because the need for the Physiological is primary and those needs come first. I will not be interested in gaining freedom from fear if I do not have food in my belly and water and shelter... etc. Those needs supersede the second level as does the second to the third and so forth.
So the model goes that we grow as humans in a wonderful way. When we are born we have need for the basics, and as we grow and have our needs met we climb the pyramid and eventually we get to Self-Actualization.
After meeting the basic needs of the Physiological, we can then take the next step which is Safety. In this step we find that our primitive needs have been met so we are now ready to find security, stability, and freedom from fear.
Once Safety is established, we can then move on the Belonging and Intimacy. Belonging and Intimacy are things that humans crave. We all want to belong to a group of family and friends! Intimacy refers to our relationships - IN ANY FORM. The levels of intimacy range from saying hello to a stranger on the street, to being between you and your lover, and all the levels in between.
The next level is Success. We reach for success in our lives on almost every level involved up to this point. From the small "every day" successes of brushing your teeth, to creating that one great business merger. From finding matching socks to cooking a great meal that your whole family enjoys. Success comes in as many forms as there are needs. Meeting a need also brings a sense of success.
The last level, is one that we maintain through out our lives, as long as we have met the four previous ones. Self-Actualization means: "man's tendency to actualize himself, to become his potentialities..." Reaching for your dreams! Trying to reach your full potential. Always broadening your horizons and learning learning, and never ever to stop learning.
Now for the fun part (smiley face)!!!
Through this learning and study, I have found that each relationship that i have has its own pyramid, its own needs. Not just with people, but with groups, organizations, and also inanimate objects as well. For example, I take care of my dishes by putting them in the cupboard - so they will not break. Each dish has a basic need, in order for it to remain in the state that it is in. One of the Physiological needs is to not break and to be clean. The safety is to keep it from falling and/or breaking. The success with the plate is getting it from the cupboard to the dinner table without breaking the dish, among other things. Each relationship we have carries its own pyramid. Each relationship has its own basic need, and the steps up to actualization. In this thinking we not only carry on relationships with people, but also with all the objects, committees organizations, and resources that we may cling to-or shun as the case may be- in our lives.
Considering this new information, we must then realize that we carry on with hundreds, if not thousands, of relationships every day. There are literally thousands and thousands of basic needs that must be met in our lives.
From this stand point I would like to add a small idea. Each relationship that we have takes or gives to us. I was instructed to make a list of people or things that give to me, and then a second list to the things that take from me. Then once the list was as complete as I could make it, i was to give each entry a value between 1 and 10. Ten being the best (or the worst as the case may be). I found myself in a deficit of thousands............ Meaning that I am apart of more people and organizations and things that were draining me of my resources instead of building me up. Don't you think it would be interesting to find out what yours would be? I would love to hear about your experience, should you chose to do this - you will be amazed.
Knowing that I am appart of things that do me no good has helped me to reevaluate my life and the direction that I was going.
What I have learned from this experience is that I tend to neglect my basic and primitive needs, thinking that if I do that, then I will have time to deal with the other needs. In all reality I cannot do this. I believe it is impossible to do that. There is a reason why there is an order to things, and i like to think that i can do what i want, and not take care of myself. Well, it turns out that just the opposite was true. I want to express something here. If we all treated each relationship with the same approach that we take care of our own needs, perhaps there will be a lot more inspirations and positive things that will take place in our lives.
Recently I dropped one of the major things in my life, because it was something that took 300 hours plus a year from me, and I did not get the same thing out of it i did 6 years ago. It was a source of great pain, and hardship. I felt so sad and angry with this organization. So, i stopped attending, and i have cut ties for the most part. It is awesome the freedom that that gives me! Yes! So just because I have learned this stuff, I didn't count on it working out for me so early on, but here we are and i feel so much freedom. Now I have more time, and the energy I would need, to start up something new. Live a new dream. That is what happens, we realize our potential and learn to drop the things that are dragging us down~!
I would encourage you to look into this stuff! See what sorts of things you can learn about your lives, and see if there is a way that you could make a change for the betterment of all the relationships in your life.
Thanks for taking the time to read this~
God bless you in all you do.
Sabrina F. Malan
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